Phantom Limb Masturbation
It started as a child
when I first sought to flirt with fate
I’d lay next to the tracks with arms outstretched across the rails
daydreaming fantasizing of sparks and screeching brakes
the plumes of bright red gushing iridescent in the sun
adopt a life of struggle
one down three more to go
desire: amputation
leave me writhing in the limbless throes
it is deficiency I crave
I want so to be helpless
to inferiority a slave
a clump of breathing flesh
free from extremity
now replete with nothing left
disassemble me
limb from limb oh what a treat
no more feeling incomplete nor encumbered by this lie
my prayer is for calamity
merciful blades to sever me
crippling
detruncating
immobile by design
majestic ancient titan
swims proudly in its tank
I wish to slake its hunger
flailing my legs as bait
“I finally feel complete. I am now whole.”
superfluous gesture
an unnecessary art
sacrificial offering
unto the gilded saw
rid me of my shame
of what I’ve overachieved
my envy is the handicapped
lord I beg of you I plead
I plead
wheelchairs prosthetics crutches
all stimulus to me
my love beyond mere fetish
call it disabling
I’d waltz upon a landmine
feed digits to machines
phantom limb masturbation
the only way
dissemble me
limb from limb oh what a treat
no more feeling incomplete nor encumbered by this lie
my prayer is for calamity
merciful blades to sever me
crippling
detruncating
immobile by design
disassemble me
piece by piece a loving feat
body image incomplete corrected by a knife
my hope is for catastrophe
a gangrenous limbdectomy
dismantling
dismembering
cut down to perfect size
compositores: Brian Eschbach, John Kempainen, Ryan Williams, Shannon Lucas, Trevor Strnad
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